Next week is mental health awareness week, so to start things off I’m posting each day 5 things that can help you feel better about yourself.
1) Connect to people
When people are isolated or do not feel valued by those around them it can lead to depression. Feeling wanted is a fundamental human need that contributes to our wellbeing. Contact with people helps in the formation of Oxytocin and Noradrenaline which are chemicals in our brains that help us focus and function better.
Ways in which you can connect better with people are to
- When greeting someone you know take time to find out how they are doing.
- On Monday morning choose one person at work to ask how their weekend was and listen to them carefully, reflecting some of it back so they know you’re listening.
- Share a lunch break or a car journey with someone you don’t know that well and ask them about their hobbies.
- Instead of sending an email at work, get up and talk to the person.
- Join a club in a subject you’re interested in – if you enjoy a sport find new people to play with.
- Volunteer to work in a charity or visit an elderly person to help them out. Take time and listen to their stories.
John – a case study
Often social phobias develop because a person finds it hard to connect with other people. This brings to mind a client I once had, John – a young man who was having problems connecting. He was terrified he might say the wrong thing or be taken the wrong way. He found it difficult talking to women and felt isolated because of this. He tried hard to fit in, to participate in team sports but his anxiety became worse so he came to see me.
We spent time exploring the activities he enjoyed doing, and the subjects he enjoyed and was interested in. It became clear that as the youngest person at work he had very little life experience and didn’t enjoy small talk.
As time went on, using the tools I had taught him – the mindfulness, the NLP a bit of CBT and the hypnosis he was able to start coming up with possible solutions to the problem. We worked out that he could set himself small tasks and ask people at work questions about their lives despite him saying he had no interest in any of his colleagues. He later realised that as he received longer and longer answers he was finding fascinating things about them he hadn’t known before.
I also pointed out to him that we had no problem in connecting. We chatted like old friends when we met up and he enjoyed exploring new ideas. He realised not only that he could connect with people but he started to extend his network of friends to find out more interesting past times and interests.